its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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