i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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