I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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