If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
