How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
