I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
