I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
