I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
