why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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