there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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