Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I believe in your delicious
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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