I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
