maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
