what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
