Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
