i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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