We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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