I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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