you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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