Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
