Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
