***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
