cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
