We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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