I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
