In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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