I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
