"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
