I just pynch a tree in the face
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
