Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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