Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
