gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
