I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
