you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am available for nakedness
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
