The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
