Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
