you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
