True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
