the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
