I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nicole vs. Life
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
