never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
