Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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