you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
