Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
