I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
