She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
