My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize