I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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