Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
operation have a gay friend backfired
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
