So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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