Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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