hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
