I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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