Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
