this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize