Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
