Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
