What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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