I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
