I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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