i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
