are you still at the devil's house?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
