Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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