Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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