nut hugger
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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