she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
