So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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