she was so not down for the gang bang
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
