You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
