so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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