it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
