There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
