I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
