accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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