dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
