I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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