My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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