Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
