she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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