I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I AM VODKA MAN
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
