I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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