i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
