I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
