Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
