what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize