i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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