i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
