at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
