STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
