i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
