Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Boobs are out for the taking
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
