What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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