come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
